10/08/2013

10/05/2013


10/03/2013

Koalas

They almost all have chlamydia. Their houses either explode every summer and napalm the shit out of everything or get cut down to make toilet paper. They're incredibly stupid, 40% of their brain cavity is taken up by padding to make sure they survive the inevitable fall out of their tree; if you put them in front of a table filled with gumleaves they'll be like "duh, that isn't food, it's not in a tree" and won't eat it. They sleep all the time because the toxic byproducts of metabolising the Eucalyptus oils make them basically hungover all the time, which means they're incredibly cranky. When they're born they don't posess the right internal microbes to break down those oils, so mother koalas feed their poo to their babies to make sure they'll be able to eat leaves.
They do, however, have two thumbs on each hand, so they can give you four thumbs up at once. That's pretty cool.